Voice/Vision Holocaust Survivor Oral History Archive

Eva Ackermann - December 6, 1982

Thoughts on Her Children

All right. I'm just going to ask you about your children?

I uh, really have to smile while I talk about my kids. It's my uh, only regret is that uh, they were short changed of uh, my patience that was due to them. Uh, I tried uh, I tried to do the best I could by them. But uh, the best was uh, really--I worked under a great handicap for uh, being the state of mind that I had a lot of times. I was hospitalized for it. I was under uh, uh, tranquilizers, where you're not as rational. I was uh, I, I feel that I uh, you know, I have a girlfriend who said that uh, they grew up uh, despite of me?

In spite of you.

In spite of me which, was a very big compliment to my kids, not so much for me. But uh, I am sorry that I uh, I sometimes think maybe I shouldn't--maybe I was too selfish to uh, have kids because uh, I was, I was not able to uh, I wasn't able to like I said, I short changed them in uh, in many respects. Not in uh, they were very well fed and kept clean but uh, I feel that I could have been better had I had a better, a more peace of mind than I did. I acted--probably uh, I, I put in uh, a little of uh, insecurity that they shouldn't have. But uh, I hope that--you know I always, I always gave them an explanation and I--not always, but many times I sort of apologized for my deeds. Although at that uh, maybe there is no excuse for some of the things that I uh, you know, that you should--that's, that's part of being a parent--a responsible parent, to be in control of your emotions but uh, many times I lost uh, my--and that, that I'm sure didn't do any good.

You have two sons?

I have two.

And their names?

Their names is Rob....Robert who is twenty-six and Kenny who is twenty-four and they're uh, not just--I, I think like my girlfriend said, they really grew up in spite of me.

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