Voice/Vision Holocaust Survivor Oral History Archive

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Eva Ackermann - December 6, 1982

Do you have nightmares about it?

I--you know, I don't know if I should be glad or sad, I never dreamt of my parents. I can talk and--of daily happening and I will dream about it. And I have never dreamt in all these--and I, I already asked Dr. Krystal, he had no answer for it. I had nightmare--I had a few nightmares where they were going to take me and I screamed that, "Please don't take me, I was there already." Than another terrible nightmare that I had I was uh, with a few other people. I was somehow in a big room and uh, the German tanks came and there was just only a certain uh, distance that you were able to go, to go uh, they came with the tanks and we were just uh, to the--the wall was there. There was just nowhere to go. Luckily I guess you, you just wake up to, uh. And others that I uh, had that I--these are the two that I remember uh, definitely. The, the rest of it somehow luckily uh, uh, after you wake up, you forget. And uh, some bad dreams that they stay with me and that, that's why I don't know whether I'm sad or glad that I don't dream with my parents because I am afraid that it would leave me very sad when I wake up. If I would dream with them that they are alive and wake up to--when I was little, I remember I once dreamt that there was a whole stack full of money. Money was short in my house. A whole stack full of money was left next to my bed. And to this day, I could not have been more than maybe six years old, I remember and, and the pain of it that it wasn't there, it stayed with me for uh, as you can uh, imag....for a long time. So that is why I can't figure out and I can not figure out that I've, that as much as I have them in my prayers, I think of them when I--with l....little things uh, I can't just, this minute, on the top of my head but--that I don't dream of them. I can't imagine that how--what kind of a mental block, uh. There must, there must be some explanation for that. I really don't even know who, who to ask. I mean, I am just uh, I live, I mean I--they're within me uh, uh, to the fullest and yet I don't dream with them. It's, it's very, it's very interesting. I have a terrible headache and it's not, , it's, it's not uh, it's better than I thought it--I came out better for me.