Voice/Vision Holocaust Survivor Oral History Archive

Esther Lupian - 2007

Remembering Experiences 2

When you were, when you were a child, did you ever wonder why this was going on?

Yes, I always think. First of all, I... Like all children, "Why I am Jew? Why I am more than the others? Why I have hands and head and everything and I, I not stupid, why I wasn't they." I, I jealous. I was jealous many times. When, when my girlfriends play, they blind... bl... blond?

Blond.

Blond and, you know, and I say, "Why are you black? Why, why you not white? Why are you worst? Why are you in Moscow and I am ???" I want to be like everybody, you know, and that now I understand why people lose their Jew... Jewishness because they want to be like other who lives good, you know. See that what... Because I, I... This is true. When people call me ??? it's make me, you know, under pressure, so under pressure. And I, I hear ??? each other day and maybe many times in a day. They, they, you know, they tried to offend Jewish children and they don't know why and I don't know why, you know, but I know that I am second sort, second, second...

Class.

...class. That I feel from, you know, feel. And it was, it was... Until now, until now, now I am, you know, I'm here, I can talk, I can feel, I work, you know.


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