Voice/Vision Holocaust Survivor Oral History Archive

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Pauline Kleinberg - October 28, 1982

Everyone has a, has a history. Every day was history. You can't go on. E...every day--my sister--she's my sister, she survived. She has her history. I should tell it with, with the one time I had a toothache in concentration camp and I was afraid to say. I had already my, my uh, here it's swell, you know, if you don't care, I didn't action and I was afraid to tell. What they're going to do with me. And that's some--I don't know what happened, it just went away. Many times. One time that I dreamed they doing this again, and we were climbing a mountain. I said to my sister, "I thought that will never happen again, here we are again, the very same sister." As far as nightmares, that doesn't go away. It doesn't go away. But many times when my husband was at work--now he's home--and I was by myself and I was doing something--ironing, I talk to myself loud, loud things. But I can't--maybe because my children, I couldn't get the time. But if I should tell them only one piece. I, I was just afraid. I tried to shy away from it. I think inside I tried to shy away, shy away from telling them. It's either I di...didn't want to hurt them or hurt myself. You know, at first, you know, we all applied for restitution payment--we have cases in Germany. And every time you had to go to a doctor, like to Dr. Tanay or speaking to the lawyer, you have to tell your story. Every time I came home, I was sick for a few days. I said--one time my lawyer said that my case worths much more and I know it worths--it's worth much more, but I have to do this and I have to do that. I said, "It's--it worth, it--it's worth much more to me not to--to stop talking about it." I felt it's damaging my health.

Now you have it on tape.

For me it won't be--but how in the world can all the ??? with my mine English...

Husband: Yeah, sure.

Yeah, how's it going to be, well ??? if you gonna...

You think all the survivors speak perfect English?

How in the world--how could they? When I see the--those news reporters, they tell me about Cz?stochowa and when I ??? and all this, I say, they're not better than I'm in English. Not one bit better.