Voice/Vision Holocaust Survivor Oral History Archive

Louis Kaye - May 9, 1983

Long-Term Effects 3

I'll be honest with you, a woman living in this country and don't know about concentration camp, about ??? I give her credit living with a person like me. Because really a person like me is not normal. I'm normal, not normal. That's the reason the second generation, it's hard for them too. The second generation, they really, they, they're going to the lecture and the different things. Because they feeling now they're back home, the parents living at home. They're back home from, how I behaved myself, some time for no reason I lost my temper, run out, for no reason. Not be mad at somebody, be mad at myself. And this happened. We have good days, we have bad days. Well, I think the dark things ??? things like that, my kids saw them now, my kids ??? some time they're blaming me for something. Anyway. You got make a living and busy yourself ??? yourself. Up to now, I always make a living for my family. Money was not an option. Anybody come with donation, I like to be able to give it than to take it. I am like that. People know who I am. Working hard for money, sometimes you can't help it, I mean. What they say, live, not live ??? my people working with, if they be Gentile or Black or white or anything else. You got to be a person, I don't care what they are. Jewish or Gentile or Black or anything else. This is the problem, lots of people are selfish. Some people say, eh, what's the matter with you, forget about the past, it's the future. I said, my friends, I say, you live your way, I live my way. What are you going to do? I can't tell you how, what you do what I do. They criticize me. Everybody live with his own principle. Everybody was raised different, in different families and that's it. Maybe my family raised me the way I am. It was a curse, you know what I mean. They were... I used to go to Dr. Krystal for a few years, I used to go to other doctors. They just go straight to the hospital. And I run away from the hospital. When I used to do this I used to have a business running and walk away from the business like that, that's it. I don't care about nothing. Then I figured ??? I got four kids here, I raised them. Do this, don't do that. I was fighting with my battle back and forth and keeping myself plenty of nights for years and screaming and aggravated and dreaming and everything. And for no reason. Not for the reasons, the person, the movies, and plenty of time I was, upset my wife and my kids and everything. And I myself, I didn't know what I was doing. I think it bypass so far, I still got to live with it. We've been married thirty years. She... Thirty years she had plenty. Tell you what. Why do you stick out, I don't know myself, to be honest with you.

Wife: Because you're a good person.

Hm? Wife; Because you're a good person.

But still.

Wife: ???

But listen, what they say, know what they say, like a good cattle will give you milk, after it will kick you over, same thing. You know what I mean?

Wife: Yeah, but the good overlaps the bad.

Yeah, but plenty of time...

Wife: ???

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