Voice/Vision Holocaust Survivor Oral History Archive

Miriam Monczyk-Laczkowska Ferber - December 7, 1999

Feelings Toward Jewish Mother

So you went by yourself. And you didn't really know about Judaism yet. And were you at all conflicted about what you had heard? What did you think about your mother? What did you think about your Jewish mother when you heard the story?

Unfortunately I had no feeling and I kept saying to myself, "Maybe my mother is right. Maybe she shouldn't have left me. Maybe my, you know, maybe she shouldn't have left me." I, I had no feeling. I don't have a feeling about my Jewish mother now. I look at her picture and she's beautiful in it, but I don't have any feeling. I'm going to show you in a little while.

Did it ever occur to you that somebody might have survived?

Oh yeah. Absolutely. At one point we thought my brother was alive, but. We checked it out, he was not. But let's, that was nineteen...so we are back right now 1958, we got stuck on 1958.

Ok, but this...

Ok, 1960.

You didn't want to, you didn't feel like you wanted to find somebody in your family, try to...

No, because I was told everybody was dead.

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