Sara Silow - August 8, 1993
Sharing Story
When you went to your uncle, did you, did you tell him what happened? Did he ask you questions?
They don't ask questions.
Nobody asked...
They lost a, they lost a son, too, in Belgium.
Hmm.
Belgium was at war, too. They were in hiding.
They were in hiding?
Yeah.
Um, so, you never talked about the war with your family.
They don't want to make me feel bad. They never ask questions, never.
Does it make you feel bad to talk about?
Sure. And today I, I, I no like it to talk, but, but I walk--talk to myself in the nights when I cannot sleep when I'm thinking. I started to think what happened and I cannot fall asleep any more. Until 6 o'clock sometime in the morning.
Yeah. Are there things during the day that make you think about it?
In the day when I'm alone, too, yeah.
What in particular will make you think about it?
I said to myself, "Why I survive? Why everybody is gone and I am living and I suffer because I am the only survivor." I suffer a lot. The whole life doesn't matter. It has no meaning for me, the life now. I cannot be happy to nothing, nothing. Nothing makes me happy.
Your son?
What can I do? One pleasure I got when Charley is coming Friday with Sarah for supper and I make supper with pain with a pinched nerve. And sometimes Charley going, "Mom, you look today terrible. You are in pain." I said, "Yes." He rec...he recognized right away.
You have nightmares...
Yeah.
...mostly. What, what kind of nightmares do you get?
How does everything happen, what I went through, how they suffered to, to, to go to the, to the, to the oven. How long they were suffering. Just everything is on my mind.
Mainly about your family.
I'm thinking always about my family, yeah.
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