Voice/Vision Holocaust Survivor Oral History Archive

Esther Lupian - 2007

Thoughts on Survival 2

Are you glad you survived?

Hm?

Do you think it was a good thing you survived?

Yes uh, I guess this is good. I was foolish, I never talk about that, but now I feel much better then I can open my heart. Uh, yeah, I cannot remember... I cannot forget when I was, you know uh, small in Minsk--Minsk released by Red Army--and, you know, people play show, show how they fight in partisans, you know, it was wood simple benches, you know, people come, you know, and when, when Germans something make it bad--I don't remember what it was on stand... on stage--but everybody jumped on top and they cry, "Kill him! Kill him! Don't let him go!" Like, like it was true, like it was not, not show, you know. Everybody was sick with that and I was cry, "No, don't kill!" I cry, you know, I, I shout this. It was, you know, people could not, could not, you know, feel good after war even. They were all wounded inside. It was so long time, years, years. Now when it's, when it's... I hear uh, airplanes from far away [makes sound] you know, sound, it still I, you know, it's something come to me in my mind. Every time. And I know that it's nice and now it's good it's been so many years. And I cannot and I cannot, uh... I hate when somebody touch my back and everybody who touch my back, it make me, make me nervous. And I, and I turn... It's, it's reflex. It's not because I want it. It's reflex. And I turn a hand, any... Whatever, who is that, it doesn't matter. I can't stand when somebody touch my... Because always the gun, machinegun...

Mm-hm.

They push the machinegun, put on back, you know, and uh, push them, "Go, go, go, go," with gun and that so many, many, you know, many psychologies, it's still in mind.


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