Voice/Vision Holocaust Survivor Oral History Archive

Ilya Martha Kessler - November 1, 1982

Desire to Live

And uh, I was lucky because I am not tall now, just I was the same tall like now. And I always has red complexion. And I looked uh, healthy and I looked, and I wanted to live. You know, so many things when you talk, you in there, they begin to be to Auschwitz in the, you know--how to say?--they... When they took you from, from a ghetto to the Auschwitz.

The transport?

Yeah, train. So, my father, he saw us then, you know, and uh, say goodbye. And he knew they going to kill us. We didn't know. I said to my father, "I want to live so much." And he said, ??? And before I didn't. So ??? When they came in home, to go back again and my mother want to kill us.

This is when they took you from your home...


...into the ghetto?

Yeah, I go back there, see. Because I went there, my mother said, they going to kill us like the other Jews. We are nothing to them. We just was stupid. We thought they not going to take us. So, my father said, "No, don't do such a things. But maybe somebody going to come." So, I said, "No mother, don't do that I want to live very badly." So, my mother always said, "If you come home, you're not going to have nobody. How you going to live?" I said, "I don't care. I want to live very, very badly." So, my father said, "You see, at least Martha going to come home." And I always in my mind when it's the holidays coming, my mother said, "You don't have... You're not going to have nobody." I always feel so lonely when holidays coming. Doesn't matter how many people I invited, I feel always lonely. When I was in Israel... I talk out, uh...

It's all right.

...matter. Just I always... I was in Israel ten years because, because they took there ??? And I used to go near the ??? and I was alone. I didn't... nobody... And then I went back... Maybe it would be better if I would die with them too. And then I said, "No, I want to live. I want to have a family."

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