Voice/Vision Holocaust Survivor Oral History Archive

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Fred Ferber - September 11 & 25, 2001

Changed the name to now hidden children and child survivors. But what I'm getting at is, this is a little off, we'll come back. Is it, is it difficult to talk about this? I mean, look how long it's been since we finally sat down to do this. Do you find it difficult to talk about?

For myself?

Yeah.

I tell you, years ago, I, I, years ago I would not touch the subject. Even though I spoke to my children, but always not in specifics. Eh, for a great number of years, 'til about maybe uh, 'til 1985, etc. I would not--I would, when I was happy I could cry. I was happy, my, tears came down my eyes. But as far as sorrow is concerned or crying for anything in the world, I could not drop a tear. Just never uh, didn't go through me, so to speak. I had thick skin. Didn't go through me. I would, I couldn't cry about anything. Whether it was eh, whether it was dreams or thoughts about concentration camp, about anything else. It, it was eh, didn't allow myself or I guess the nature didn't allow me, that, itself protected me eh, didn't get through. Just less than fifteen years that I allow myself eh, somehow, and uh, I, I think sometime eh, when I think about these times uh, uh, it's. I, I could cry quite, I could, easy for me to cry, so to speak.

So it's gotten harder to talk about it.

Before I wouldn't at all.