Voice/Vision Holocaust Survivor Oral History Archive

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Eugene Feldman - July 15, 1991

Did you tell any people here, your family, your wife, your children, some of the things that happened to you during the war?

A little bit, the kids a little bit. I don't think my wife was interested much in that.

She was not a survivor.

She was an American. She has--she was very much away from the Judaism. Her parents, I mean, I don't think they ever were in a shul. So they are almost like goyim, I would say. So, she, she was not the type to talk about that. But she-- except she mentioned a few times that I had nightmares. And she noticed the ni...what's it all about, she noticed enough what it's all about. But uh, the only one that's really interested is my oldest daughter, the one that wants the tape.

Those nightmares were about...

Germany.

Being in Germany?

Seeing Germans. Not necessarily being in Germany.

Nothing, no memories from the...

Germany, I--not, when I came to Germany it was under American occupation. Sort of Germans in my area.

But that's what your nightmares...

Yeah.

Not the loft and the dogs.

The, the--well, the whole thing will come back. But if I hear a dog barking, especially in a low voice, like way in the distance, it kinda will throw me back. I can still see it now, the hay in that loft. And that's--we're talking about fifty years back, forty...yeah, forty-seven years back. I can still remember the loft. That was, I think I, I was more scared there than in the ghetto because I was alone. I guess as a child you're scared to be alone. You're not scared with somebody else, even if you're going to a gas chamber or whatever you're going to, as long as you got somebody with you, a grownup. There I felt completely at loss. Completely at loss.

Uh, anything else you want to add to the tape?

Not really. Like I said, I just don't like to think much about it. I don't watch movies about it and I don't do much talking to anybody about it. It's not a pleasant subject. But I--you'll never forget it. I don't expect to. Like I say and I, and I'll never have good things to say about the people where I live. I don't know one that I can say anything good. Not even one. Except that woman maybe that helped us.

Thank you very much for the time.

Pleasure mine.