Voice/Vision Holocaust Survivor Oral History Archive

Erna Blitzer Gorman - July 12, 1989

Telling her Children

Do they know it now?

Yes. My older boy always asks me how about tell us, tell us, tell us. And I said, someday I will but then I decided two things, when the film Holocaust came about, I think was, or maybe when the first gathering of the Holocaust survivors, which came first, whatever,

The film was first..

...the film. I didn't watch it and I was beginning to have the guilt feelings, my children didn't watch it. And I was beginning to feel tremendous guilt that was in me and I went into depression and I decided that what if I die, I must tell my children all this. So, I went to a doctor and it took a year for me to piece the things together. Took another six months for me to make the tape, I made a special tape for them and it was Yom Kippur, as a matter of fact when we came back from Shul, I sat them down with my husband and I gave them the tape. My husband knew I was making the tape and he was very distressed that I could not share it with him I would not allow him to hear it even, I was petrified of my husband discovering all of this. I don't know why, because all my life I was, I had constant nightmares every night he would wake me up and hold me because I was screaming with nightmares so he knew some terrible things were in my life, you know, but I did not want him to feel pain for me, you know, [Lower's voice] I just didn't want him to feel pain. So anyway I put them together in this room and I left the house. I walked around the block and then I came back and I sat upstairs while they listened to the rest of the tape. They were devastated. Oh... [Long pause]

Did they ask you questions?


Did they say anything?

Never. I didn't want them to. They never asked me a question since. They don't want me to be hurt. That is the only reason they don't ask. But they know.

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