Voice/Vision Holocaust Survivor Oral History Archive

Miriam Biegun - August 10, 1983

Lasting Mental Effects

After the war, were you uh, still sometimes, were you dep...very depressed? Did you um, feel good that you survived, or were you depressed about it?

I don't know. I didn't know why I survived, why it happened because I never talked to nobody about it. The only thing we talk is my sister, a couple friends, they come from the woods, too, from the partisans, we calling it partisans. You know, we talk about it, you know, do you remember this, do you remember that, but to go out like now, I never talked to nobody, I never talked to nobody about it.

Do you try to forget about it?

Sometimes, yes. Maybe it would help.

Can you?

No. No matter how hard I try.

You said it was particularly hard on holidays. Why do you think that?

Uh, because, you know, you go to the high holidays. You see people in the synagogues. Grandparents, mothers, fathers, and you know, all, you know, together, and my sister lives in Windsor. I'm close with my sister. I see her. Mine brother lives in Florida. It's fine, but still you want to know a little bit about your background. You know, it comes together. You know, on dinners and Passover, on Seder and stuff like that. People come together. The only thing I have, like me and my sister, that's--thank God for that, but then we have, not just, not to be alone, we have friends over for Seder.

You have nightmares too?

Lately, no, but I used to. You see, when you get older, it's a little bit easier because you get to used to it, and you know, you get already tough. You know, that's enough. I'm very tough. I wouldn't--I would believe people, but not like I used to, but I--you know, time teaches you, okay? Now I say, it happened. I have to take it out of my mind. I can't forget it, but I shouldn't think about it constantly. And it helps. Because, you cannot go around constantly talking about it, and thinking, and you know, you try, but it's hard.

All right, we'll come back and talk maybe a little bit more about this.

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