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Manya Auster Feldman - August 11, 1998

The Germans.

The Germans killed—So they came, they said, "Look, oursthey killed and look a Jewess they didn't kill? What's going on?" But, yousee, they, they were afraid to—they would have killed me if they wouldhave known that this—these are still the Germans here. They thought thatthe Russian Front is here and that the Russians already are fighting the Germansand that the Russians are going to back occ. . . they are winning the war,they are going to occupy the territory. So they didn't do anything to me.So she said to me, "You know what? I hope the war is gou. . . my husband isin the army and, and um, and I have a piece of land and I, I need somebodyto help me. You'll stay with me." So she, she took her horse and buggy andshe said that she had—he had uh, uh, he had hid some meat. So I wentwith her to the forest where she hid it. And we came back to the house. Andwe started cooking a cabbage soup and, and some—baking some potatoes.And did you ever see a Russian oven where you throw in the potatoes insidethey have utensils that you take them out. And I was helping her and I wasstanding and taking out and all of a sudden, all of a sudden I felt like steamit coming out from my head and the picture became completely clear. I knewthat I did not follow the partisans, that I am in the, in the, in the, inthe enemy's territory and that's the end of me. So I started crying hysterically.And I said to her, "What did I do to myself? I had a father and a brotherand a sister in the partisans. What am I going to do now?" She said, "Didyou have these attacks at home too? You're crazy." So I said, so I, I decidedthat uh, at, at night I'm going to go into the forest. The forest was likeum, a shield for us, you know, the trees. We were hiding behind the trees.So I thought, well, I didn't have no hope of uh, remaining alive. If the Germanswon't kill me, they—the Ukrainian population were very uh, against theJews, I don't have to tell you. So I would have run out that, that night,but I got a horrible, horrible headache. A blinding headache. So I laid down.She—we ate and I laid down and we fell asleep. And about four o'clockin the morning, it was still dark outside, we heard terrible noise. We tooka look through the window. The village was full of German tanks with Germansoldiers, with German, with German uh, artillery. You, you name it. The, the—soshe said—I said to her, "Maybe we'll change clothing," because I wasstill dressed like uh, a Jewish girl with a Navy blue coat. And they had adifferent dress code, the farmers. I said, "Let's change clothes." She said,"If you say one more word, I'm going to tell the Germans that you're, thatyou're a Jew and they're going to kill you." In the meantime, a German knockedon the door and he wanted some uh, food for his horse. So she, she came outto give it to, to him. And she followed him outside into the street. And Iwalked out of the door. The forest was about another 500 meters. I walkedinto the forest. It was a terrible, a terrible snowstorm. And I walked onthe road. And I uh, some farmers with their horse and buggy were coming towardsme and they were asking, "What's new, what's new in Berezhki?" That was thename of the village. I said, "I don't know, some Germans came in." And ittook about ten minutes. I turned around and the whole village was on fire.They put on—the whole village from all four corners. They, they startedburning the houses and killing all the people. This was already the Gestapo.This was the SS. The Wehrmacht was front and they were the SS and they hadan order to kill everybody.

Did you stop to think what compelled you to walk away?

What compelled me to walk away? I was running away from death.I knew that, that I'm going to get killed. If not—if the Germans won'tcatch me, the, the, the, the farmers will catch me—will kill me. So I'mrunning. In what direction, where, I don't know. I'm just walking.

Were you panicked? Were you. . .

No, I was, I was surprisingly, I was calm. There was no otherway. What should—who did I—should I cry to or who should I screamto. So I was walking. The only thing that was—that I was concerned, Iwas terribly hungry. I was, you know, don't forget, it was after a terribledisease. I, I needed food. So I came, I came into a house and I'm alreadyout of the village, but they had separate houses that, you know, the farmerslived on their own piece of land. So I come to the house. They're all sittingaround the table and eating pancakes and they're all dressed, like ready torun. And I walk in the door and they say, "Oh, look who is here, the crazyJewess. What do you want?" I said, "Could you give me something to eat?" Theysaid, "Get out of here, you dirty Jew. Because of you that all of these thingshappening." I said, "Okay, you think you'll escape it? You'll have the sameend like we had." Do you know that later on I learned about a half an hourlater, they killed them all around the table. So I walked away from that house.And I was terribly cold. I was freezing. So I saw a house on fire. So I thought—andI saw a German standing near the house. And so I thought to myself, I don'tcare. I really don't care. I don't want, I can't, I don't, I don't want tolive. So I started walk towards the house. As I was approaching the house,he left. So I sat by the house for quite a while and I was warming myselfnear the fire. And then I started walking, walking on the road. And I walkedinto another house. They were also ready to—they were all—and Idecided—I'm already a little bit, a little bit further out of the village.Maybe I concoct another story. My Russ. . . my Russian was very good. I was—I,I spoke fluent Russian. So I'll tell them that I am—that I was—I'ma Russian teacher from Russia and I was teaching in that village and and I'mescaping. So I knock on the door and I—and she let me in. And I tellher the story. She said, "Here's a piece of bread and just leave. We haveour own problems." So I walked further and, and about another kilometer, Icame another—the, the, the farmer was standing in front of the houseand I walk up to him and I'm telling him the story. He says, "Listen, my dear.You don't have to tell—I know who you are. And come on, we're all inthe same shoes. And the, the Germans were killing the Jews, now they're killingthe gentiles. So come on, first come in the house and we'll feed you, firstof all. And secondly," he said, "do you know that the Jews that were hidingin Berezhki in that village, they are, they are hiding not far." "Oh," I saidto him, "you have no idea what you just told me. I know I am not going tolive. But at least I want to die among my own." So he said, "Okay. Eat yourbreakfast and my two boys will take you to that area where they are hiding."So I said, "Okay." The snow was up to here. I was so sick. I was walking.They brought me to an open area in the, in that forest. And they said, Ifyou'll cross that open area, this is where they are hiding, your, your Jewish.. .