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Manya Auster Feldman - August 11, 1998

Well, without having talked about the, the experience thatyou had. . .

Yes.

As long as we're here, let's talk about this. Um, you saidyou urge survivors to talk.

Yes.

And why do you think they should talk?

For the reasons that I said before, because there are, thereare some people that are coming up that are saying that it's not true.

And do you think that if the, that if the Holocaust denierslisten to your tape, they're going to stop being Holocaust deniers?

I don't know. This is a good question. Maybe, maybe it will penetrateto somebody. But the, the question is, if they are looking at it, if theywant to—to see it, that's the question. Chances are that they don't evenwant to see it, don't bother me with that.

So there must be other reasons to talk. And there will beother people who will see it.

Naturally. How about our, our children in schools, they, theyare—you are already working on—you worked on curriculum for schools.This should be a subject for schools. The children should know. You know,I have a bunch of letters that I received from children that—that listento my story that I went and you talked to. I mean, they were, they were amazed.I don't know to what extent and how much they will think about it— nevertheless,it's a thought. I mean, they saw a live person talking about this atrocitythat happened during the W. . . World War II. Where they'll see uh, uh, uh,a movie made is one thing, it's based on something, but they see a live persontalking. And and and uh, uh, uh, telling of his experiences, of, of even likeI do, I'm expressing the feelings, I can't hold my, my crying back. I don'tcry that often. But when, when, when I think about it, lately, in my, in myold age, I, I cannot fathom it. I really—I think, I cannot understand.How could something like this in, in, in, in a civilized world something likethis could—how could it happen? Nobody has an answer. Do you know I,I some Orthodox have an. . . they say that there are times that God, thatGod turns away. I said, "So why does he turn away? If he omnipotent and ifhe is, he's, he's everything, he shouldn't turn away." They have an—Idon't have that answer. I don't—I, I don't know. It's hard to believe.

But you're talking about it.

I talk about it.

Even though you think there's not enough—there's no wordsto say —

Right.

You're looking?

I am talking. I have friends that are not talking, that are completemuted. They can't even talk about it. I, I can talk about it. I, I, I havean awful lot of hurt inside of me and I have to transmit it, I have to talkabout it.

And when you finish talking about it, if you know that um,you just scratched the surface, as you said. . .

Yeah.

How do you feel at the end of it?

That I still have a lot to say, that I still have a lot to say.And I am still telling you that I am not even scratching the surface. In the,in the—it was 1942, we were put in the ghetto. It was in July, August.And then we were liberated in 1944. So it's, it's full two years, full twoyears that I lived outside without taking off my—my dress. No, it's morethan two. It's '42. . .

Two years. . .

Yeah, two years.

You lived outside?

In the forest, as a partisan. That's another story.

That's another story.

That's another story, yeah.

All right. Why don't we get, why don't we get to that story.

Yes.